As I was tucking my oldest boy in bed, he asked me to sit with him for a little while. As I sat and held him, I realized how quickly he was growing up. His hands are almost as big as mine now. I soaked up every minute because I know he won’t be this age forever. Every so often something inspires me to write, and this did the trick! Here is what I wrote:
The touch of your soft skin brings me back to the days when you were just a baby, And that sweet smell, oh the smell. I remember it just like it was yesterday although it feels so long ago.
Those endless nights where I sang “Baby of Mine” a hundred times to get you to sleep.Those nights where I cried because you were crying, and I didn’t know what to do for you and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. Those nights where I truly wondered if I could ever do this again. Those times I doubted myself and told myself that I was a horrible mother.
And then the light… Oh, and was there light!
Even as a young toddler, you were such a perceptive and emotional child. You knew just when I needed kisses from those tiny, precious little lips of yours! You always knew how to put a smile on my face by being your silly little self! You were so full of mischief as a toddler, and now I can honestly say I miss that time even though in the midst of it, it was a truly TRYING time in my life.
And now. Now. You are 6-years-old. Okay… 6 and a HALF. You are tall like your daddy so when I give you a hug now your arms envelop me like a giant teddy bear. It’s crazy how even though you are only 6, I feel safe in your arms. And I think about how you are really going to make some girl lucky one day (which is something I don’t really want to think about now).
And what a personality you have! Sweet, funny. charming, goofy, smart, but most importantly KIND. I hope you always stay this way despite the heartache that life can bring. It’s funny when I tell you that one day mom and dad are going to be uncool, and you won’t want to give hugs and kisses anymore and you always reply with, “Mom! But I will! I will always want to hug and kiss you!” I hope it is true. Even if we have to hide it so your friends won’t see.
And I hope you always want to dance with me in kitchen… and the living room… wherever really as long as it is with you!
Just know that in my heart you will always be forever young. You will always be that baby boy I was so terrified to bring home and had no clue what to do with. I love you fiercely and will always love until the very last breath that I take.